I live at home with my mama.
Although, I prefer the term - living in a “multigenerational household.” Four generations to be exact!
There’s a spectrum of opinions on the topic of living at the crib ranging from “if you live at home you’re automatically a bum” to “I wish I could move home because adulting is too much to handle at times.” There are many cultures that encourage staying at home until a certain age - even until marriage. In our culture however, as soon as you’re 18, you’re almost kicked to the curb and if you don’t leave you’re looked down upon. Why is that?
Wherever it is you fall on the spectrum, maybe this blog post will help you understand why those of us who have made the leap back to Mom’s place, have done so!
I asked a few friends who’ve moved back home to answer some questions for me! Although they’re anonymous, here’s a few demographics:
All are college educated
All but one hold Bachelors Degrees
One has a Masters Degree
Any who moved away from home, were gone for at least 5 years before returning
1. Why do you live with your parents?
Friend 1: My plans to move out of state after school didn’t work out, so I moved back home to figure things out.
Friend 2: When my ex and I relocated back to our hometown after college we decided to stay with our parents to save money to eventually get a house.
Friend 3: I got a job promotion in the city and they offered me to stay
Friend 4: Because I haven’t found the right location to move too and my job isn’t steady.
Me: I wanted to move away from Birmingham because I was burned out, I was actually in the process of wanting to move to Dallas and SURPRISE - I found out I was going to be a mom. I’ve always wanted to be around my mom when I became a mom, so it worked out perfectly!
2. What rules do your parents have for you?
Friend 1: None! I’m grown :).
Friend 2: My parents don’t have too many rules. They expect everyone to clean up after themselves and help out with basic household functions. (Cooking, dishes, trash, etc) One thing my parents do want is to know when I’m not coming home so they don’t stay up worried about me.
Friend 3: Clean behind myself and help w/ power bill
Friend 4: none really. They are pretty chilled and laid back lol they don’t expect much from me.
Me: None, but I’m always respectful of her house!
3. Has your love life been affected?
Friend 1: What love life?
Friend 2: My love life has DEFINITELY been affected. We found ourselves sneaking to have sex like we were back in high school again lol. That was a big adjustment coming from a situation where I had my own home for years. I’ll also say it put a bit of strain on the relationship because we couldn’t comfortably spend intimate time together beyond just sex. Those lazy days of just cuddling in the bed and loving on each other are important. At this point I’m not in a relationship anymore and trying to figure out how to date. Its awkward to bring up the fact I live with my parents
Friend 3: Yes , both positive and negative ways
Friend 4: Yea. My ex would feel uncomfortable with then here anytime he was here. [probably because they knew he was trifling l🙄😂]
Me: Of course it has, but I think becoming a parent has affected it more in the long run. It takes more effort now!
4. What’s been the biggest challenges?
Friend 1: Not having a space that is MINE is challenging. I wish I could decorate they way I want, but I have no desire to put in that work for a temporary living situation.
Friend 2: Losing my freedom has been the biggest challenge. My parents aren’t overbearing by any means but they are still my parents and deserve a certain level of respect so I don’t stay out too late, don’t invite many people over, try force a whole apartment worth of stuff into one room so I don’t get in their way, etc.
Friend 3: Driving 3 hours every other weekend to see my lady and my baby
Friend 4: Having as much privacy as I would like to have.
Me: My biggest challenges came from not being able to work and stay at home with Kennedy. I’m so used to having my own money, freedom, and being able to just get up and go! Having to sit down has been TOUGH for me. I wish I had more space as well, but I understand that it’s a sacrifice that had to be made!
5. Biggest benefit?
Friend 1: Not paying rent! And also spending a lot of time with my mother.
Friend 2: SAVING MONEY
Friend 3: SAVING MONEY
Friend 4: 🗣not paying rent!😩
Me: Definitely spending the last year of my granny’s life living in the same house as her. After that, not having to pay bills while not working! Also my mom and Kennedy getting so close! And finally, A LIVE IN BABYSITTER!!!
6. Have you HONESTLY saved any money?
Friend 1: No :(. I started over spending on frivolous things because I didn’t have to pay rent. Big mistake! I’m in even more debt than when I first moved back home. Just dumb.
Friend 2: I have finally started saving real money. When I first got home and found a job I was out here living my best life! I felt like I had a bunch of extra income and was constantly splurging on myself and others. It took a while to adjust my thought process and actually starts putting away the money I would typically spend on bills.
Friend 3: Yes I have 🙂
Friend 4: Omg yes!! Almost at $11k!
Me: None, nada.
7. Whats your plan/timeline to move out?
Friend 1: I plan to move out by the end of this year, but I’d like to buy a house so I have to get serious about saving.
Friend 2: I will be out of my parents home before the end of this year. They are constantly telling me not to rush out and they don’t mind me being here but for my sanity and peace of mind I need to go. I love my family and it’s been nice reconnecting on this level
I never thought we’d get to experience again, but at the end of the day it’s way too many adults in one house. Not to mention I don’t feel self sufficient while being here.
Friend 3: Whenever the next promotion presents its self!
Friend 4: I want to be able to have a steady career. I don’t trust my job now.
Me: I’m in the process of applying for full time positions now that Ken is walking and so much bigger! I hope to move out by the end of the year!
8. Do you wish you moved out sooner? (If you have never moved out?)
Friend 2: I do feel like I’ve been here a little too long so I do wish I was already gone at this point but my circumstances changed drastically and it threw a bit of a wrench in my original plans. I’m in the process of formulating a new plan.
Friend 3: In college I wished I still lived w/ them (money saving purposes)
Friend 4: Yes because I want to experience what it’s like living on your own. No because sometimes I still feel as if I’m not ready
9. Would you recommend moving home to others? Or encourage them to not move out so soon?
Friend 2: I would encourage people to stay home as long as they can (as long as it’s a healthy living situation) few things can compare to the genuine love and support you receive from your family. Being back home was like getting a master reset on my life. We all lose ourselves from time to time and being home reminded me of who I am and the love I came from.
Friend 3: I would encourage them not to move so soon, it’s helps tremendously when it comes to saving for your immediate future .
Friend 4: Don’t move out soon. It’s best to have a goal established before you move out. I’d say a goal of $10k saved up.
Me: Listen, sometimes its better to go home and reset. Don’t let the stigma of moving home stop you from saving money, switching careers, taking care of family members or your children, or whatever else you need to do to better yourself!
10. What advice would you give them?
Friend 1: It’s great living on your own, but things can be hard for us millennials. There’s nothing wrong with moving back home to get your life/finances sorted out. Or living at home while you’re going to school. Paying rent each month is a big waste of money any way. But don’t be a bum ya whole life!
Also...save money!! Had I been responsible with my finances when I first moved back home, I definitely could have afforded a house by now :)
Friend 2: My advice to to those considering moving home is to weigh out your options. As I previously stated, as long as you’re not putting yourself in a toxic living situation, I suggest staying at home if already there or moving back home if you’re already gone. Do what makes the most sense for your comfort and finances.
Friend 3: I would just encourage them to stay and try to become as financially literate as possible before stepping out on your own .
Friend 4: Living with your parents is nothing to be shameful about. It gives you time to start on your feet. Parents are suppose to help you until you are able to help yourself.